…In a Fantasy Football League

Yes, grace. And, yes, in a fantasy football league. It sounds funny but, really, it shouldn’t. We can offer grace and receive grace anywhere, in any part of our day or lives. That’s the way it should be, anyway.

The thing about grace is, it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard; it doesn’t have to be sacrificial. And yet it does take some thought. More importantly, I think, it takes an ability to put others, or your relationship with them, above yourself.  …now I don’t know if that “defines” grace. I’m no theologian. And I’m no Bible scholar.

What I am, though, is a person who is trying, but who still makes mistakes. I hope…I try, anyway, to learn from them along the way. I’m also not too proud to admit when I make a mistake, or share it…here or elsewhere.

And so I’ll share a story with you about how I failed, how someone else offered me grace, and demonstrated for me what its like to be the person I thought I was starting to become.

I had a bad week. I found out that a friend was in a pretty desperate place. We lost someone from our family after a short battle with cancer. And my Dad, whose been sick for awhile, had to go back into the hospital. As I said, it was a bad week. On top of those personal things, work was (and is) busy and I’m involved in a few things outside of work that are proving to be a bit more involved than anticipated. So my stress level was high; sleep was pretty low.  …these things, they aren’t excuses. If nothing else, they may explain my state of mind. …but, I’ll come back around to my state of mind in a minute…

So one evening, when I was working past a time when I should have called it quits and gone to bed, I received an email. I thought it was from our FFL commissioner. I thought, as commissioner, he was slamming me for a certain trade I made, even though he had “approved” the trade. And the reason he alluded to as what had to be the basis for the trade…let’s just say he must not think I’m the most virtuous woman. I don’t know what I was thinking, really – combining the week I had, with the time of night, and the thought that this was the trade-approving commissioner who was now land-blasting me, I probably wasn’t thinking at all. I was just mad. And therein lies the problem.

I just shot off a reply, pretty much calling him a jerk, while proving that I actually was one. By “just”, I mean without giving it enough thought; and without taking a moment to breath and consider what I was doing. Well, I received a 2nd email moments later – same guy, this time suggesting I was drunk, or worse, and that I probably should step away from my computer.

Interesting aside – each email was not only an email, but also a post to our league site.  Huh…

Well, because of what I viewed as professional implications, I wasn’t letting the drunk-or-worse comment go. So, I shot back…again. This time, among other comments, I recall typing something along the lines of ‘look, I don’t need this – you just bought yourself another fantasy football team to run – keep the money, I’m out’.  Mature, no? I know you’re probably amazed at how well I handled that. Or maybe not.

This angry tirade came to an abrupt halt. Not because I took the high road. And not because I stopped to think over the situation or think of others above and beyond my own stuff. Nope, not because of anything I did…or even chose not to do. It stopped because the guy I was jawing with brought it to an abrupt stop. He basically reached out to me and said, whoa, I don’t know how we got here, but let’s stop a moment. He apologized – he said he was just “smack talking” and meant it all in jest but, if it upset me that much, then he went too far and apologized.

You know what happened, right? I immediately felt like a jerk. A very, very small person, but a really big jerk. I was in such a bad/down/tired mood that, given some ribbing, I lashed out. Not caring or thinking about the other person. Not caring or thinking at all. Just reacting.

Oh, I should add that it wasn’t our commissioner – not that that really matters. It was his Dad – they have the same name…you know, give or take the Sr/Jr.

This guy in my FFL demonstrated how to be the person I thought I was working hard to become – one that, despite what’s going on in my world and in the face of anger (or hurt or depression or…), takes a moment to consider the other person, what might be going on in their life that’s causing them to act out (in anger or hurt or depression) and offer them grace. It would have been easy for him to say “good riddance”; it would have been easy for him to get mad and escalate the situation. But he didn’t. Instead, he slowed things down and asked, hey, what’s going on here.

I did end up emailing him back, this time thanking him for apologizing, but that I should be the one to apologize; and then I did just that – I apologized. I explained how my week had gone, why I was stressed and on-edge, but also said that it didn’t excuse being a jerk…maybe just explained a part of it.

And we emailed quite a bit more. After sharing with him my week, he shared something he was going through as well. I offered prayer and he accepted. I checked in on him, and he thanked me for doing so. But all of what followed is thanks to him – its thanks to his lesson in being a better person, and its thanks to him for offering me grace…through a fantasy football league.